Saturday, June 11, 2011

Just so ya know...

I have been catching up on some bloggy reading and finding myself going down the proverbial bloggy rabbit hole and when I find myself out in the blogosphere it is inevitable that I find myself on more than one occasion on posts that at one time or another declare that there are "so many mommy bloggers out there pretending to have it all together or pretending to be perfect"... and in some form or fashion the posts go on to condemn this prevalent character and that practice of being perfect...

My first thought every time I read this-- a common notion in the blogosphere-- is where are all these perfect people that are ruffling everyone's imperfect feathers???

The blogging community that I know and love is rich with honesty, raw motherhood moments and the support that follows and shouts "Amen--right there with ya, sister".

While at the same time those same brilliant resourceful women offer me so much that I love to learn from and laugh with...

Then the thought occurred to me that I kind of like a light, fun and happy blogosphere... not a plastic--nothing ever goes wrong-- one, but rather one that seeks out the positive and gravitates towards joy despite whatever life throws at us...

It does my heart good... and some most days my heart really needs it... just sayin'

Philippians 4:8

New International Version (NIV)

 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Then a fear sprouts up in my mind that perhaps some think I fancy myself as perfect or that I am an offender of sugar-coating motherhood over on my main blog.

I get the sentiment of why we all want to hang the "perfect mom" up like a pinata and take several whacks at her... it boils down to being sick of being made to feel guilty. 

We are guilty that we can't do it all to the level we want to.

Guilty that we work.

Guilty that we are away from work.

Guilty that we didn't do that load of laundry.

Guilty that there are bedtime tears.

Guilty that fido hasn't been played with.

Guilty that God wasn't the focus today, or yesterday or heck when was He the main focus?

Guilty that life is more like a hamster wheel than a glorious journey.

Guilty of storybooks that weren't read.

Guilty about the food we buy.

Guilty of TV time.

Guilty of time wasted.

Guilty of the exercise that did not happen.

Guilty of time gone by...

Shall I go on? 

So when someone comes along or perhaps just the thought of someone coming along with it all together... we want to whack her... and her disingenuous self...

I am just wondering if the majority of these women that are judging me so harshly with their perfect lives are in fact myths... a figment of my imagination to cope with guilt I self-impose... almost like a Big Foot-esque spotting in the blogosphere.

I am sure there is some gal out there somewhere still pretending to be June Cleaver... but for the most part, most moms I know online and off have evolved from this out of touch creature... who has the time to pretend?

Yet, we carry on constantly about her, berate her, claim to be nothing like her... but secretly (or sometimes openly) deal with the guilt that comes with the thought of her...

And, with that said... if I am wrong... I kind of feel sorry for the perfect souls--or those who pretend to be--, for they don't know the magnificence of a friend coming to your aid when you need it most or the support of a loving blogosphere... or the blessing it is to share a struggle with someone when they need to hear it most.

Shared imperfection is part of what binds us to and builds our relationships.

Now, I have tried to make it clear that in this house- Martha doesn't live here... but, just in case there is any question... here is a list of things... Just so ya know...

Just so ya know... right now-- as I type this-- my house is in complete disarray.

Just so ya know... if you knocked on my door right now, I'd hide.

Just so ya know... there are lots of days when I don't want to cook-- even though I love to cook.

Just so ya know... some days the number (or lack there of) of vegetables consumed here is just shameful.

Just so ya know... I love my kid. She isn't perfect... but she is the perfect match for me.

Just so ya know... I struggle. I struggle with my faith, weight, clutter, balance (figuratively and some times literally;))--just to name a few.

Just so ya know... I love my husband. He isn't perfect either... but I know God sent him to me and I thank heaven above... even if he came with smelly socks...

Just so ya know... His mama does not have the sense of smell... and with raising 5 GOODe Ole Boys, I'd say she is thanking God for that as well ;)

Just so ya know... We have never had a regular bed time routine for Miss Add or routine period...gasp.

Just so ya know... I wish I was better at a lot of things.

Just so ya know... I have been slipping on thinking positively lately... and I have really felt the effects of it.

Just so ya know... I need to be much better at managing my time.

Just so ya know... So far, I stink at learning how to bake bread.

Just so ya know... I don't post every recipe that I make... a lot of flops don't make the cut.

With all that said, I know that I intentionally try to keep GG positive, fun and an inspiration in and out of the kitchen and I don't begrudge any other mom that tries to do the same in their little neck of the blogosphere.

What are your thoughts... are there droves of perfect moms slathering the blogosphere with their icky perfection or is it a bloggy urban myth that is needlessly driving us all crazy?


  1. Bravo!!! If more Moms would just admit that not one of us is perfect, but we do our best, then what more can anyone ask of us..

  2. Did God ever put you in my path today!
    Just what I needed to read as I wade thro a million things that need to be done, berating myself, making promises to myself that I know I will break ... thank you, thank you.
    Lets be 'perfectly' ourselves and see how that works out!

  3. I think it's all about balance!  Knowing that we can't be perfect, but trying our best...admitting our failures, but celebrating our successes...sharing our hearts while being wise and discreet...and being truly tolerant, whether someone is like us (flawed and okay with that) or trying to portray a certain "image."  Good stuff, as always, Cris!

  4. great post.  sadly, I know one of those moms in real life.  She and I used to be really, really good friends, but we've grown apart because of it.  I think women are united by our mutual struggles, but she doesn't want to share hers.  Although, as I'm typing this, I'm wondering if I seem like one of those "perfect" women to her....

    I read a lot of decorating blogs, and some of them make life seem perfect.  If they are just about decor and don't include the real life, family stuff, it's easy to think that their lives ARE perfect.  I definitely see this phenomenon more in the decor crowd than the regular-mommy-blogger crowd.

  5. I don't think anyone can (or should) judge a woman who is trying to project an image of perfection. Sometimes, I think it comes from a need to have something in life be "just right" or "working." When life is spinning out-of-control, and everything is going wrong (husband wants a divorce, kids are rebelling, half the office thinks you do everything wrong, and your support system totally fails you), sometimes the one thing she wants most is to have something--anything--work right. Or at least exert some control over the chaos. A "perfectly perky" blog might be the only safe place she can go--even if it's just for a little while--and pretend everything is/going to be okay.
    It's pathetic, I know. But, sometimes it means coping any way you can to survive mentally.